Yesterday I had a "come to Jesus" moment. One of those clouds-have-parted-and-you-see-everything-crystal-clear moments. It had to do with my left foot.
You may remember back to February when I was training for the Boston Marathon, I was having some right foot pain. I had a bone scan done and it revealed exactly what I thought: a stress fracture. But it also revealed something else - my future. A big black spot (indicating bony trauma of some sort) appeared over my medial left heel. The lovely gentleman reading my bone scan even asked if I was having pain there, because it looked more serious than my stress fracture. But nope, no pain. Therefore, once the stress fracture healed, and Boston happened (let's not relive that now), and I started running again, imagine my shock at my (not)surprising left heel pain.
But, seriously?!?! I literally just spent months recovering from a foot injury, and ran the shittiest race of my life, and stepped down as a leader of November Project. I had something to prove. So, I kept running.
And now it's not just heel pain when I run. It's heel pain all the time. Arch and calf pain. Left hip pain. Low back pain. Mid back pain. Yet, I've kept running.
We all tell ourselves stories. Every day we have a narrative about who we are, how our day/week/month/life is going to happen, how successful (or not) we are or will be, and how we stack up. Some of these stories propel us forward, create drive and purpose. But many hold us back. Many turn out to be lies, excuses, justifications.
I've been telling myself a lot of those stories recently.
For example, that it's okay (hell, even normal) to be in pain all day erry day. That if I stop running I'll get slow, I'll gain weight, I'll lose my fitness, I won't re-qualify for Boston, I'll lose friendships because they'll be running without me, etc, etc, etc.
And I have a narrative for my business life as well. And one for my personal life. And one for my physical looks. And one for my mental status. You get the picture.
After my spotlight moment on my foot yesterday I came to the bright realization that no matter what the story is, no matter what the narrative dictates, unless it's positive, it's not helpful. It's holding me back. It's preventing me from contributing with my fullest ability to raising the vibration of the collective, to making the world a better place. It's me getting in my own way and it's time to get the fuck out.
So no more believing my stories. There will still be attempts to tell them (it's hard to rewire the brain) but I don't have to listen to them. It's time to look at my life like a Choose Your Own Adventure book and create a new story, one that serves me, one that allows me to live to my fullest potential, in each and every moment.
So, for now, no more running either. .